I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
