dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
