She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize