Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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