You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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