I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
