I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
