I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
