There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As shirtless as possible
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
