Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As shirtless as possible
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
