when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
