yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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