So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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