how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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