We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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