If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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