honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
