Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
