I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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