he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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