Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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