I skipped work to stalk him.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
