Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
