Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
