Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
