That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
