I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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