I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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