proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
