I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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