You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
