I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
