i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
