Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
