I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
