wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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