p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
