im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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