i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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