I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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