I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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