Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
