Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
