I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
