After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
