Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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