I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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