Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
