It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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