You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
