i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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