Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
