he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
