question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
