I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
