Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
