she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
