I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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