well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
