he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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