so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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