WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
