I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
