Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
