I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what day is it and did you see me today?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
