the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
