sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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