you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
