she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
