I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
