Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
