I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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