ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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