Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yo dont text me then not text me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
