I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
