***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
