I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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