Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
