she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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