I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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