Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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